Wednesday, September 28, 2005

list #2 : the chain

LIST TWO: top five ways to yank my proverbial chain
1 | make me watch a movie with juliette lewis in it. it couldn't be any simpler. all movies with JL in them are terrible. just like all songs by natalie merchant (post 10,000 M) sound exactly the same. go ahead, test the theory.
2 | put tomatoes in my salad. i know that tomatoes seem to be a logical addition for most people, but for me, they are an invitation for a week's stay at county general. so, while i appreciate the care and concern you have for broadening my horizons because the tomatoes at your truly-unique-and-customer-broadening-restaurant really are something special... i ain't sayin' no because of taste. the little red bastards will kill me. so leave 'em off, just like i asked.
3 | point at your wrist when you ask me what time it is. i'm pretty sure i can find my watch on my own, and if not, do you really trust me to give you the accurate time?
4 | call your product new & improved. it's simple logic, buddy. it's either new, OR improved. can't be both. don't make me call the darwin squad.
5 | make me take brain medicine eleven times a day. ok, i know i can't avoid this one, but my neurologist still pisses me off when he says it's no big deal. trust me.
BIG deal.

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